I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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