this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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