Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
