I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
