Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
