When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
