KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
