im six kinds of drunk right now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize