we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
