Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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