i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
