Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
50% drunk capacity currently
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
