Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize