I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
