I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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