i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
