Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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