I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
