I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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