her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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