Don't make out with my wife yet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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