I puked a lego.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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