i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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