No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
