I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
