I just cut my nipple shaving
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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