Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
