Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
