dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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