I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
