Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
