gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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