oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
