my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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