She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
