I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
