I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
