nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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