don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize