if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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