Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
