Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
