If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
