I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
