two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
