just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize