I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
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