I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
