McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
