Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
