Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
