you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
