dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This baby is an asshole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
