Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
