Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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