Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
