I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
