the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
