My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
