I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
