Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
