At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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