I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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