talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize