Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
