You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
