i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
