The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
