what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize