splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
