I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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