A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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