Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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