I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
