i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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