So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i think my cat just said my name.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
