He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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