$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize