dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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