but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
