I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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