Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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