i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
