I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
