he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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