I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
