i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
