I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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