My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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