Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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