i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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