Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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