I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
